An Egyptian living in Europe but her heart stayed back home. Having some random thoughts about the before and after pictures. Ghawayesh means bracelets. In my context it symbolizes the cuffs of my culture. I don't know if I like them or hate them. Thanks for passing by.

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I started this blog in 2006 as a joke. Now that I look back, I have decided to take it seriously!

03 October 2007

I'm an Alien, I'm a Legal Alien. I'm an Egyptian in The USA





Been to California last month. America is a weird hood!

Here's why:

1- The endless distances from any A to B resulting in
2- total dependence on automobiles for any errand you want to do- including something as simple as grocery shopping, resulting in
3- becoming totally handicapped without a car, resulting in
4- being slaves of oil (and now I finally understand why the need to control the Middle east- Sorry I'm a bit slow!!).
5- Not being able to do anything without a car made people lazy, resulting in
6- people have become fat, resulting in
7- people have become even lazier, resulting in
8- they either stay home to watch TV on the couch after a hard long day of work, or
9- go eat outside, where the competition to attract customers is based on humongous portion sizes and endless free refills, resulting in
10- morbidly obese people who are bringing the evolution to a reverse (I almost burst out in tears in a restaurant because I couldn't bear the sight of fatsos coming and going and refilling.)
11- Coming from the land of ancient shit, I missed the history and culture bits. Disney Land was boring!!!
12- The fact that there are so many designer shops in one mall. Those bastards had no mercy on me. I have spent out in one week more than I had spent in my whole life on bags and shoes and all kinds of materialistic scheisse while there are people dying in Africa.
13- People are way too friendly and both parties know they don't really care when they ask you how each other are. Wenta malak enta how I am? Like you give a damn!
14- It was too hot. And I'm an Egyptian :D
15- People work work work to reach the American dream. If you're sick, you're out!
16- The attitude and the endless paranoia at the airport.
17- The exaggerated American accent. Rrrright. Why do people insist on talking nasally?
18- People who gasp, behold and be-wonder my kids eternally and won't let go of me before knowing where I'm from and why I'm here. California di walla kafr el-balalees?!
19- The ten thousand million billion gazillion SUVs.
20- The crime rates. You won't believe it but we did have the police raiding this restaurant where we were dining because two people were about to shoot each other. You must be kidding me! I was in the US for, like 25 minutes, when it happened.

But the best thing about the US was the fact that you can make up your own number plate.

There was this lady chick witch bitch driving this hot Porsche911, with the number plate proudly stating: WAS HIS.

Aaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaa!!

Gotta love America!

3 comments:

base said...

haha!

if this was in Cairo the license plate would read 'public property' in 10 minutes and the woman would never be seen again.

great posts, keep it up!

In case you're feeling homesick:
A Pigeon Called Frank

Culture, philosophy and observational humor based in Egypt.

The Observer said...

lol! The picture speaks volume!

Dina said...

ahahaha hilarious :) love your posts :) Just discovered this blog (after finished reading wandering scarab's entire blog i stared wondering off to the links on the side!)

I have a new favorite to add to my list of favorites :) Keep it up!

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