An Egyptian living in Europe but her heart stayed back home. Having some random thoughts about the before and after pictures. Ghawayesh means bracelets. In my context it symbolizes the cuffs of my culture. I don't know if I like them or hate them. Thanks for passing by.
06 September 2011
Halos Around The Moons
I'm sure you have millions upon million of admirers, but I have a feeling you might know me by now. Do you remember me? You were my best friend back in the times I had to cry alone in the balcony in Riyadh; that ugly lonely place. If it wasn't for your light, I wouldn't have anything left to look up to.
The first time I saw your sad face I thought I was the only one who could see it; but then as I was reading a novel; I discovered that another sad child saw it. I wonder if you were looking down with sadness upon all the miserable children of Mother Earth.
Many moons on; I was spending new year's eve in a night shift at the miserable Demerdash hospital (Ob&Gyn dep.). Totally strained and drained by all the misery around me, I tried to put my head on the stone-like pillow of the interns' bedroom and sleep. At 12; the Abasseya Cathedral bells were breaking the midnight (sort of) stillness. I suddenly recalled it was the new year, and it was worth a mini-solo-celebration; so I got up, went out of the room down the dark corridor; opened the big glass door to look from the balcony; only to see a majestic scene: The cathedral's tower with all the lights and bells, and you, my dear moon, looking down upon us in your full glory, yet with the same sad face. I thought I saw you smiling at me.
Fast forward some months, I landed in Luxor- my, back then, new home for the coming two years. It was like fate had a good plan for us together. You and me at the Nile bank. I would sit for hours to listen to the little waves hitting the concrete bank softly; like it was singing an eternal lullaby; and the moonlight reflecting on the water like no one could ever paint!
In the phase when I had moved out of the 5* hotel to a small roof penthouse; and on the hot sleepless nights when I used to wake up swimming in my sweat, I used to drag my mattress out to the open air; and lie down with the sky as my roof! I had made a wish upon you, my moon, to always be with me whenever I was lonely, and no matter what happened; you always came back to me for light and support.
My 25th birthday was a goodbye night to you, my beloved Luxor moon. I had decided it wasn't my time and place to be in Egypt, and I had lit a candle next to the swimming pool of Winter Palace hotel. (Oh, that was the winter resort of our last king!!). It was complete darkness. There was only me, my candle, and my dear moon. I took my clothes off and went into the dark pool led by your light. You were watching on me and I was feeling safe in your light. I felt so close to you. I felt your energy traveling through my soul.
Some weeks ago at Angie's wedding, I walked out of the big white tent to look for you, and you were there.. Blessing the love.
So many years on, as I am getting older, yet you never change. Same lovely sad face looking down on me. The only friend that joined me in my life journey.
All my life I have had this sentence ringing in my head and sending a buzz through my body: "Moon Over Minneapolis". It's the name of a novel that I never read, yet I imagined the story to be that of many people who never met, yet all live in Minneapolis and share a common moon!
The 14 days you are gone, I miss you so much (moon is masculine in Arabic, that's why I always thought of him as a him.). I even think that my hormones are strongly affected by seeing you.
Tonight I looked up to look for you, and you had this most stunning halo. I have never seen you this gorgeous before! Sometimes I wish I could jump up to put a kiss on your cheek. Maybe after I depart?
What makes me smile is that you're the very same moon that came with me everywhere I went. I wonder if you have a soul. I wonder if you realize my existence. My energy. My love.
Lately I have been using you to send energy waves. Thinking; whoever looks at you, must come in contact with me.
In Egyptian we say: "Beautiful (face) as the moon.". I know a face that shines upon me while you're gone. He's my day moon. And in his sad face; I sometimes like to think he's smiling at me.
Good night, my moons.
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