An Egyptian living in Europe but her heart stayed back home. Having some random thoughts about the before and after pictures. Ghawayesh means bracelets. In my context it symbolizes the cuffs of my culture. I don't know if I like them or hate them. Thanks for passing by.

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I started this blog in 2006 as a joke. Now that I look back, I have decided to take it seriously!

08 March 2012

The Neanderthal

I have this neighbor.


The first time we met was when he was moving in with the 3 other young men already living in the penthouse upstairs to our place.

My first encounter was like that: Blue beaten piece of crap parked in our parking space, which clearly states that it's for private use. He passes by a couple of times carrying his boxes and observing me while I had my car blocking the world waiting for the owner of the piece of shit.

Then I found out that he was the owner of the piece of shit.

- "Are you the owner of this (piece of shit) blue car please?"

- "Chuchichastli Chuchichastli Chuchichastli Chuchichastli".

- "Sprechen Sie Hochdeutsch bitte?"

- "Zat *was* Hochdeutsch".

I die a little.

- "Ist das (Stück Scheiße) Ihr Auto?"

- "Ja".

- "Ummm, das ist mein Parkplatz".

- "So?"


I look around checking were the TV cameras are probably hidden.

Turning back to face him, I carefully check him out, trying to figure out what exactly is wrong with him.

He does look like a Neanderthal. But, for the benefit of the doubt, I'll give him another chance.

- "See that car (blocking the Milky Way) there? I need to park it there, where your (piece of shit) car is standing at the very moment".

- "Oh. Do you know where I can park my car?"

In the nearest cemetery.

- "You can use our parking spot on the other side of the building for today".

I smile, pretending to be a nice person. My face hurts, cracks, and falls off. So I suddenly stop faking it.

Four months on.

Day in, day out, day, and night: Ka-Djuuuung-Ding. Ka-Djuuuung-Ding. Ka-Djuuuung-Ding. Ka-Djuuuung-Ding. Ka-Djuuuung-Ding. Ka-Djuuuung-Ding.

Neanderthal likes music. Death metal music. Literally.

Neanderthal also likes to party. last party started Friday night and ended Monday morning.

I'm fine. I'm fine.

I mean hey, I'm from Cairo! Uh uh! The most annoying Swiss cannot within several light years reach the annoyance level of an Egy-neighbor.

Waking up suddenly like a spear on very loud sounds. It's still dark.. I think it is 4-5 AM. OMFG! Neanderthal reached a new high on the WTF-scale!

Uhh- boom- uhh- uhh - AAAAh- BOOM BOOM BOOM. Uhh- boom- uhh- uhh - AAAAh- BOOM!

He is actually jumping and screaming as hard as he could! And it seemes like he is enjoying it. I hope to God, for someone's sake, that is not a session of sex, because if it were, I think his partner must have broken 86 ribs at the least.

I sit on my bed, trying to come in terms with what's happening (I have my own bedroom, so, no one witnessed the saga but me.)

Now what? I really can't sleep! I mean, yes I'm a guest in this country and I have to be polite, but the detailed integration course never mentioned anything about neighbors jumping and screaming at 4 AM.

I check my notebook. Usually reading Twitter for some minutes puts me back to sleep.

Still jumping and screaming.

I try to think of funny things to say to myself. I always do that when feeling like a damsel in distress.

So I come up with a tongue twister. And I say it out loud.

"Neanderthal leaped a leap of leopard Leopold.
Did Neanderthal leap a leap of leopard Leopold.
If Neanderthal leap a leap of leopard Leopold,
Where's the leap of leopard Leopold Neanderthal leaped?

He jumps Sue Mumps by the seashore.
And the jumps he jumps are hump jumps I'm sure."


I'm boring myself to sleep. Mission accomplished.


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